Type 2 - The Helper

Key Traits: Cheerful, kind, approachable, warm, gentle, caring, patient, loyal
Challenges: Can be superficial in kindness, exploitative, enabling, neglectful of own needs

• Basic Fear – Being unwanted and unloved for who I am.

• Distorted Desire / Passion – My pride turns into self-importance masked as self-sacrifice

• Leaden Rule – I make others feel unworthy of my love or attention

• Manipulation Technique – I use flattery and “over-help” others to create dependency

• Red-Flag Fear – Driving friends and loved ones away

• Wake-Up Call – Feeling compelled to do more for others to win them over

• Lost Childhood Message – “You are wanted.”

• Core Identification & Self-Image – “I am helpful, caring, indispensable.” 

• Desire: remain needed and appreciated

• Invitation to Abundance – Nurture myself and others from genuine fullness

• Healing Attitude – “Maybe I could let someone else do this… maybe I could do something good for myself.”

Emotional Neglect and Approval-Seeking: Twos typically grow up in emotional distress with unmet emotional needs at home. They learn to repress their own emotions and put others above themselves, creating a deep well of unmet needs that substances might seem to fill.

Self-Worth Dependency: Twos are very motivated by approval from others and have an unconscious desire to be seen as selfless. When this approval is threatened or withdrawn, they may turn to substances to cope with feelings of worthlessness.

Caretaker Burnout: The constant giving and tendency to become martyrs leads to emotional exhaustion and resentment, making substances attractive as relief from overwhelming feelings of inadequacy.

Identity Through Others: Twos often lose themselves in relationships and helping behaviors, creating an unstable sense of self that substances might temporarily stabilize.

Cognitive Impairment

Cognitive difficulties interfere with Twos’ ability to anticipate and meet others’ needs effectively. Mental fog prevents them from being the intuitive caregiver they pride themselves on being.

Memory Problems

Memory issues make Twos feel like they’re failing in their caretaking responsibilities. They interpret memory problems as evidence they’re becoming selfish and neglectful of others.

Emotional Dysregulation

Emotional volatility threatens Twos’ image as stable caregivers and may push people away. They fear that emotional instability will make them burdens rather than helpers.

Sleep Disturbances

Sleep problems drain the energy Twos need to care for others effectively.  Fatigue from sleep issues makes them feel like they’re failing their primary role as helpers.

Motor Coordination Issues

Coordination problems limit Twos’ ability to provide practical help to others.  Physical limitations reverse their role from helper to someone who needs help.

Stress Sensitivity

Stress sensitivity reduces Twos’ emotional availability to support others.  Increased stress reactivity forces them to focus on their own needs, which feels selfish.

Phase 1: Return of Denial – Inability to recognize and honestly communicate thoughts/feelings

• “So many others in recovery need help so I can’t worry about myself right now.”

• “I’m anxious because I’m being selfish by focusing on my own recovery.”

• “If I tell people I’m worried, they might think I’m needy instead of helpful.”

Phase 2: Avoidance and Defensive Behavior – Avoiding anything that triggers uncomfortable emotions

• “I’m focused on helping others recover – that’s more important than working on myself.”

• “Other people in recovery seem so needy and self-focused compared to me.”

• “I don’t need to talk about myself. There are others who need support more.”

Phase 3: Crisis Building – Life problems accumulate due to denial and isolation

• “Why are problems piling up on me when I have been so helpful enough to others.”

• “If I just give more to others, these problems will resolve themselves.”

• “Other people’s problems are much worse than these temporary setbacks in my life.”

Phase 4: Immobilization – Complete inability to initiate action, controlled by circumstances

• “I can’t focus on my problems when so many other people need me.”

• “Why doesn’t anyone care for me the way I take care of others?”

• “I’m too exhausted from helping everyone else to deal with my own issues.”

Phase 5: Confusion and Overreaction – Impaired thinking and emotional volatility

• “People are ungrateful and selfish, and it’s making me furious.”

• “I can’t think clearly because I’m so hurt that nobody recognizes what I’m doing for everyone else.”

• “Everyone takes advantage of my kindness and then abandons me when I need help.”

Phase 6: Depression – Severe mood disruption affecting normal functioning

• “No one really loves me .”

• “I give everything to others and get nothing back. I’m completely alone in this.”

• “Everything I’ve done is worthless because people still don’t care about me.”

Phase 7: Behavioral Loss of Control – Inability to maintain recovery behaviors

• “I’m tired of giving to people who never appreciate it.”

• “I don’t care about meetings when no one there really understands my needs.”

• “Why should I help anyone when no one is there for me when I need support?”

Phase 8: Recognition of Loss of Control – Denial breaks, awareness of powerlessness emerges

• “No one loves the real me – they only loved what I did for them.”

• “Maybe using would help me feel connected to people again.”

• “I’m lying about being okay when I’m actually desperate for someone to save me.”

Phase 9: Option Reduction – Only three perceived options: insanity, suicide, or substance use

• “I’m furious that no one cares about me after everything I’ve done for them.”

• “The only options left are losing my mind, suicide, or numbing this pain.”

• “I’m done helping people who never appreciated me anyway.”

Phase 10: Acute Relapse Period – Complete functional breakdown

• “My emotions are a basket case and I’m pushing everyone away with my neediness.”

• “I’m too drained to help anyone and too isolated to get help myself.”

• “Maybe substances would help me feel connected and loved again.”

Phase 11: Return to Active Addiction – Actual resumption of substance use

• • “I’ll use just a little to take the edge off. Everyone will better off in the long run if I’m not as worked up”

  • “If I use just a little bit, I’ll be more relaxed and giving in my relationships.”

  • “Using a little will help me be the caring person others need.”

Releases 

• I NOW RELEASE all feelings of rage and resentment toward others.

• I NOW RELEASE all attempts to justify my aggressive feelings.

• I NOW RELEASE all attachment to feeling victimized and abused.

• I NOW RELEASE the fear that I am unwanted and unloved.

• I NOW RELEASE all attempts to force others to love me.

• I NOW RELEASE making others feel guilty for not responding sufficiently to my needs.

• I NOW RELEASE abusing drugs, food, and medications to make up for my loneliness.

• I NOW RELEASE feeling that others owe me for the things I have chosen to do for them.

• I NOW RELEASE believing that no one willingly takes care of me.

• I NOW RELEASE expecting others to repay my help in the way I want.

• I NOW RELEASE all physical ailments, aches, and complaints.

• I NOW RELEASE calling attention to what I have done for others.

• I NOW RELEASE feeling possessive of loved ones.

• I NOW RELEASE doing things for others to make myself needed.

• I NOW RELEASE flattering others to make them feel good about me.

• I NOW RELEASE not wanting to acknowledge my negative feelings.

Affirmations 

• I NOW AFFIRM that I own all my feelings without fear.

• I NOW AFFIRM that I am clear and conscious of my motives.

• I NOW AFFIRM that I am lovable for who I am.

• I NOW AFFIRM that my happiness does not depend on pleasing others.

• I NOW AFFIRM that I can let go of loved ones.

• I NOW AFFIRM that I nurture my own growth and development.

• I NOW AFFIRM that I love others without expecting anything in return.

• I NOW AFFIRM the joy and warmth that fills my heart.

• I NOW AFFIRM my gratitude for all that others have given me.

• “Maybe I deserve care without earning it. Maybe being direct about my needs isn’t selfish—it’s honest.”